


Be In My Heart

by thingyoudowiththatthing



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-25
Updated: 2018-11-25
Packaged: 2019-08-29 06:08:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16738549
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thingyoudowiththatthing/pseuds/thingyoudowiththatthing
Summary: Y/N and the Winchesters have known each other since they were kids. Y/N and Sam became like siblings while she and Dean became something more. Dean always wanted a normal life for her - wanted her safe so he pushed her away but how will he react when he a year later receives an invitation for her wedding in the mail?





	1. Chapter 1

Dean had been pacing the floors of the bunker for hours. He knew he was driving Sam crazy but he also didn’t care. All he could think about was her. He had do let her go. He knew that. He had decided letting her go her own way – to keep her safe – would be for the best a long time ago. So why did it feel like the last piece of his heart was shattering every time he looked at the damn invite.

Why would she even send them one? Dean took a deep breath as he remembered the last time he had seen her. The way he had had practically kicked her out after having killed those men, after having almost killed Metatron. He no longer trusted himself and he couldn’t have her around. They hadn’t been together in a while not since they were kids but she had always been there for him. She had always been his best friend. His saving grace. His freedom. He hadn’t seen her for about a year, not since the night she had left and now she was getting married!

“Dean…” Sam tried but he didn’t listen he just kept pacing. Remembering the look on her face the night she had left the bunker for the last time. Remembering her words as her eyes found his after having hugged Sam goodbye. “Dean I am still your friend. You will always be my best friend. I understand you aren’t yourself right now but if you ever need me….” She had let her words trail out and Sam had starred at him as she walked out the door. Trying to will him to go after her and he probably should have… or maybe he did the right thing that night. She was safe. Sha was out of the life. Just like Bobby had wanted for her…

“DEAN!” Sam almost shouted this time breaking Dean out of his thoughts, “what?!” The anger in his voice surprised himself as much as Sam but luckily his brother didn’t take it too heart. He just spoke in a more calm tone, “I think we should go. She wants us there so we should be there.”

Dean’s eyes opened wide at Sam’s suggestion, “I can see why she wants you there. You should go. But me?! I kicked her out Sam why would she…”

Sam just smiled patiently at his brother and Dean knew he was holding back, “your name was on the invitation too man! You know her better than I do and we both know she would have no problem just inviting one of us if she didn’t what the other there.”

Dean stared at his brother trying to figure out what he wasn’t saying but decided he probably didn’t wanna know. Instead he just nodded slowly.

A few hours later he and Sam were both dressed up and in the impala heading towards her wedding and Dean was feeling sick to his stomach. He thought back at the scared little girl his dad had carried into the motel room 28 years ago. She had been Sam’s age and she hadn’t said a word when John had set her down next to Sam and gestured for Dean to come into the kitchen with him. John had explained how he had been too late to save her parents but had gotten there just in time to get her out. He told Dean to look out for her and Sam as he headed back out to get the vamps that had gotten away.

Dean remembered how John had been gone for 5 days and how he and Sam both had tried to get the girl to talk for the first 2. The second they had given up and let her be. Let her watch them as 10 year old Dean cooked and 6 year old Sam watched cartoons. Dean remembered how she had approached him in the kitchen and how she had just sat there for a while before he heard her voice for the first time.

_“You are doing that wrong.”_

_Dean twirled around and looked at her to see her eyes were glued to the pot of cold water with the pasta in it. Her Y/E/C eyes had suddenly found his and she continued, “my mom taught me. You need to boil the water first then put in the pasta.”_

Dean couldn’t help but smile at the memory. Her first words had been correcting him and she hadn’t stopped since. It pissed him off sometimes but he also loved her for it. She had never put up with his shit. She had never held back with him. He had been the first person she trusted enough to speak too after her parents died and she hadn’t stopped since. After Sam had fallen sleep that night she had shared her story with him and him his with her. They had cried and hugged and Dean had for the first time since his mother died not felt the need to be strong or hide away his feelings.

Dean remembered waving goodbye to her when they had left her at Bobby’s a few months later and he remembered how happy he was every time John announced he had to drop them off at the scrapyard with Bobby for a few days to go on a hunt. Days at Bobby’s meant less training and seeing Y/N. She had quickly become his best friend. Even though she was closer to Sam in age. She took care of both brothers in her own way and Dean knew she quickly learned to love Bobby like a second father, just like he and Sam did. Dean remembered the 3 of them playing hide and seek in the scrapyard and him teaching the two younger kids how to hit a baseball.

He smiled as he remembered Y/N being pissed at Bobby for not wanting her to hunt. For him wanting for her to go to school and do normal kid stuff. As normal as they could be under the roof of a hunter. He still let her do research with him and she loved that but she also wanted more. Dean remembered how 12 year old Y/N had come to him and asked 16 year old Dean to teach her how to fight. He had been reluctant at first but he had never been able to say no to her, so the two of them had started to sneak out in the middle of the night while Sam had covered for them. Dean had taught her how to get free of just about any hold he could think of. He had taught her to throw a good punch (so good she nearly knocked his lights out once or twice during their training sessions) and they had laughed and she had thanked him.

Of course Bobby had been pissed when he found out and he and John had a big fight when he had returned from his hunt. John had told Bobby straight up he was being an idiot and of course the girl needed to learn how to fight and hunt if she was going to survive and Bobby had accused John of being neglectful towards his sons. Dean remembered how Bobby got out his shotgun and promised John he would shot him full of holes if he ever returned.

Y/N and the brothers didn’t stop talking though. They kept in contact and Y/N revealed to them she had begun hunting on her own when she was 15 and without Bobby’s knowledge. Dean had yelled at her and told her to tell him. Hunting was dangerous especially without backup – to which she had just calmly replied, “I am telling the two of you. You are my back-up!”

Which they actually had been a few time. Dean remembered one night where they had saved her from a shapeshifter hunt gone wrong (there had turned out to be two of them) and Dean had driven his 16 year old brother and her back to an old motel room. Dean had told his dad he and Sam were gone camping and John had let them and Bobby thought Y/N was safely staying at a friend’s house.

That night had been the first night Sam had gotten drunk and he had confessed he didn’t know how to talk to girls. Dean chuckled at the memory and quickly glared over at his brother who was staring at him, “have you lost your mind Dean? Do I need to take the wheel?”

Dean ignored his snarky remark, “I was just thinking back to your first kiss Sammy.” Dean’s eyes twinkled as he glared at his brother. Sam looked surprised but somewhat amused as he defended himself, “that wasn’t a kiss! That was an attack!” Dean laughed out loud making Sam smile, “dude of all the things that attacked you a 16 year old girl was what sent you running?!” “Hey I was 16 too, remember!”

Dean laughed again and nodded as he recalled the night, “oh I remember.”

_“I’m a girl! You talk to me all the time!” Y/N frowned and her eyes opened wide in annoyance when the brothers spoke in one voice, “that’s different!”_

_“Thanks a lot guys!!” She returned her attention to Sam, “so you are really nervous about that date huh?” Sam’s eyes opened wide, “we are just going to go study at the park. It is not a date!”_

_“It’s a date!” this time it was her and Dean’s turn to speak at the same time and she sent him a small smile before Dean returned his attention to his kid brother, “tell me you kissed a girl before Sammy?!” Sam’s eyes fluttered and he mumbled something as his brother began to laugh and that was when Y/N had surprised both of them. “Well that one we can fix!” she had gotten off the couch and rushed over to Sam’s chair grapping his face in both her hands and pressed her lips against his making Dean’s jaw drop and Sam run from the room as soon as she released her hold on him making her laugh as she turned to face Dean. “I think I might have scared your brother!”_

_“Hell you kiss the kid like that… it’s lucky you didn’t kill him,” Dean had chuckled and raised his eyebrows suggestively, “so you got a thing for Sammy huh?” but she had only starred back at him in disbelief, “no! I have a thing for his brother though!”_

Dean remembered how his jaw had dropped for the second time that evening and how he had watched her spin around on her heels and head for the bathroom leaving Dean alone with his thoughts.

Dean had started to look at her differently that night. Not because of what she had confessed or even that she had kissed his brother (probably in effort to make him jealous) but because up until that night he had only seen the little girl his dad had brought home that night. After that night he was starting to see the woman that she was slowly changing into. A woman he knew that would be able to not only keep up with him but also take his breath away. Dean had pretended nothing had been said that night and their lives went on as usual. She was still his best friend. Hot as hell and the way she moved had him staring every time no one was looking.

Two years flew by and when she was 18 she left home in protest but Bobby wanted her to go to college. To have a normal apple pie life and finally she had complied but she also never stopped talking to the brothers. She and Sam spoke of college when they were on the phone and Dean watched him dream knowing he wouldn’t stay back long. He would be the next to leave. Dean fought the lonely feeling and the pit in his stomach as he took the phone. He shared stories with her of his hunts and made her laugh. He let her tell him how much she missed the life. How much she missed him but secretly he agreed with Bobby. She was safe at school. He missed her like crazy but she was safe and that was what was important.

Dean didn’t see her in person again until after Sam had gone to Stanford and she had called him in the middle of the night asking where he was. As luck would have it he hadn’t been more than a few hours’ drive out and he had gotten to the motel room (4 hours away from her school) she had requested in less than that. A few minutes after his arrival there had been a knock at his door and he had opened it to find Y/N only dressed in a stolen sheet smiling at him.

The memory of the sight made Dean smile and shift in his seat – silently hoping his brother wouldn’t notice.

_“I lost my clothes, can I have yours?” she winked at him as she pushed passed him. It took Dean another few seconds to recover and she was already roaming through his back when he did._

_“Y/N what the hell happened?!” Dean walked up behind her placing his hands on her arms forcing her to look at him._

_“A freaking witch!” she growled before she turned around and dropped the sheet leaving Dean speechless and unable to hear the rest for her explanation (and to this day he still didn’t know what had happened) as he stared at her naked back and perfect ass. When he finally realized what he was doing he quickly closed his eyes and fought to keep his breathing steady as he turned around waiting for her to dress herself in a pair of his sweatpants and an old t-shirt._

_“Dean…” he felt her hand on his arm and he turned his head to the sight and saw her just wearing his shirt, “are you okay?” He saw the genuine worry in her eyes and he realized his breathing might not have been as even as he thought it had. His mouth was dry and he couldn’t answer. He just stared at her. This was weird. He was usually never shy or awkward around girls no matter their state of undressed but this was Y/N. His Y/N. It was different. He had spent so long missing her. Thinking about what it would feel like to kiss her and to touch her and know here she was perfect and real and only wearing his t-shirt. And then his lips were on hers and they tumbled towards the bed as he let her undress him quickly._

Dean still remembered how perfect that night had been. How soft her skin was under his hands and how she had arched into him. The sounds of her moans and cries were still ringing in his ears – how gorgeous she had looked and how perfect she had felt around him. How peaceful and happy she looked sleeping in his arms and he had kept her happy for a little over a year. Right up to when his dad had disappeared and she had wanted to leave school to come on the road with him. Dean had told her he didn’t want her to do that. That he wanted her to have a normal life and he had left her crying at her dorm room as he went to get his brother.

He hadn’t seen or spoken to her for over a year after that and still she was there for him when his dad died. They spend a few stolen moments together at various motel rooms trying to hide their secret from Sam and Bobby. Sam had caught on quickly though and became their alley just as fast. Y/N had stayed in school and had gotten an internship at a hospital so their visits became less and less frequent right up until they stopped. Right up until Dean stopped them. He was going to hell and he wasn’t dragging her through that. She was out. She was on her way to becoming a surgeon. She deserved better than him.

She deserved better… Dean dwelled on that thought. They hadn’t been a couple since then. They hadn’t slept together since then. They had kissed a few times but that was it and now he wanted to do what? Stop her wedding?! Dean slammed down the breaks and Sam let out a surprised yelp but before he had the chance to yell at his brother for almost sending him through the windshield Dean was out of the car pacing the ground once more.

Dean glared at his brother when he got out of the car and sat down on the hood watching his restless brother, “what the hell am I doing Sam?! She is out! She is happy! I can’t drag her back into this!” Sam smiled at him knowingly but still he elected to play dumb which pissed Dean of slightly, “what do you mean drag her back in. We are just going to a friend’s wedding aren’t we?”

“Sam! I can’t watch her marry someone else!” Dean spat at his brother and Sam smiled making Dean cursed himself for walking right into his brother’s trap, “well then don’t! Tell her how you feel! Do you honestly believe she would be marrying anyone else if she thought she could choose you?” Dean froze at his brother’s blunt words. “She has been in love with you since we were teenagers Dean! You are just too stubborn to see it!”

“Sam it doesn’t matter… Amara and Lucifer… She is out Sam!! I am only a danger to her!” Dean’s eyes were tearing up. He wanted nothing more than to stop that wedding. To walk right up to her and kiss her and tell her he was sorry and beg her to come home with him but it was selfish and he knew it. Sam lowered his gaze a little as he spoke, “she knows Dean. About the mark being gone. About Amara. About all of it…” Dean’s jaw dropped as he looked at his guilt-ridden brother, “what do you mean she knows?”

Sam looked up a little more defiant this time, “I didn’t stop talking to her. She is my friend too Dean and she was asking about you so I told her…” Dean let out a sharp breath. She had been asking about him. She had been thinking about him just like he had about her. “Look man,” Sam’s voice made Dean’s eyes meet his, “just tell her how you feel. Let her decide the rest for herself.”

Dean took a deep breath and closed his eyes before slowly deciding his brother was right. She deserved to be the one to make the call. She deserved all the information before choosing how to spend the rest of her life. Dean sent Bobby a silent apology before opening his eyes again and nodding to his brother, “okay Sammy. Let’s go…” 


	2. Open Your Eyes

You closed the door to the bathroom behind you. You needed a moment to yourself. A moment away from his sisters. From your collegues…. Friends that didn’t really know you. Friends that had no idea what you had left behind to be here or who you were before you came to this town. Who you had said goodbye too. All they knew were you were the orphan girl with no family and no friends but two that had never even RSVP’d to the invitation. The girl that had still insisted there would be open seats for them. The girl that had nothing and was about to have it all. A husband, a big family and a normal apple pie life. A life you had never wanted but everyone else had wanted for you so here you were. Standing behind a closed door in your wedding dress. Hair and make-up done listening to the sound of women laughing and drinking in your hotel room.

You should be happy. Jeremy was a great guy. He made you smile and he had helped you forget your pain when you needed it. He loved you and you loved him so why was it not his face that appeared behind your closed eyes when you took a shaky breath trying to calm yourself. Why was it not the memory of his smile that brought a tearful smile to your face? Why did you feel as if your heart was breaking when you should be happy?

You opened your eyes and looked at yourself in the mirror and you almost didn’t recognize yourself in the big dress his mom and sisters had helped you choose. You had never wanted a big wedding. Heck you would have no idea who to invite to one had it not been for his family. You took a deep shaky breath as you looked yourself into the eyes trying to remember why you said yes. You loved him… didn’t you? Yes you loved him but it just wasn’t the same.

“He doesn’t want you!” you spoke quietly enough so only you would hear it and you fought to hold back your tears. You had not seen him in a little over a year. You hadn’t felt his lips against yours for over two and you hadn’t been a couple for 7. It was time you let him go. That you let go of the life you had fallen into but had clung to so desperately ever since. Bobby would have been happy for you today. Sam would be happy! Hell he told you as much when you had called him up telling him you had gotten engaged. Dean… Dean wanted you to have a normal life and here you were. Living normal and all you could think about was him when you were supposed to think about Jeremy. It was all you could do not to cry when you remembered it would not be him waiting for you at the end of the aisle.

“Don’t do this!” you stared at yourself willing yourself to think about how stupid Dean would think all of this was. The big ass dress and the flower girls and bridesmaids dressed in pink. He would hate all of this and you couldn’t help but smile when you heard his voice inside your head as you pictured his reaction to seeing you dressed like this. “One dress would have been enough, sweetheart.”  

You practically jumped when you heard the knock on the door, “are you ready Y/N? We have to get to the church.”

“Yeah!” you forced your voice calm as you answered Jeremy’s sister, “just trying to figure out how to pee in this thing!” You could practically hear her shake her head at you but you didn’t care. You would never get used to this life. Jeremy had grown up with money and a big family, controlling and everywhere. He had gone to fancy parties and worn a suit since he learned how to walk. You had grown up on a scrapyard happily worn jeans and old rock’n’roll t-shirts with a grumpy old hunter and the highlights of your childhood had been when the man that had saved you dropped of his two sons that had both been like brothers too you at first but as you got older you started seeing one differently and the other well he was no longer like a brother. He was your brother.

Sam… you needed to hear his voice. You needed him to tell you, you were doing the right thing! So where the hell was he?! It was one thing that Dean hadn’t answered. Hadn’t shown. Things between the two of you were complicated but why hadn’t Sam? Suddenly your head span into overdrive and a 1000 different scenarios of both your boys lying dead or dying, bleeding and hurt somewhere started playing in your head. You hadn’t even realized you were on the floor hyperventilating until you were surrounded by bridesmaids whose presence did not make your breathing any easier.

“I… I need some air,” you managed to get out before you pushed yourself onto your feet and practically fled the room and down the hall and onto the balcony at the end of it. You closed your eyes and took long slow deep breaths. They were okay… they always were… one way or another they made it through… you could do this… normal life… you could do this.

“Oh hun! It will be okay. I was nervous too before marrying Jeremy’s father,” you felt hand on your arm. You hadn’t heard her come out here but you managed to send her a pale smile. “Right. I think I am ready now.”

It wasn’t a long drive but it felt like it took forever. Your bridesmaids were chatting in the limo but you didn’t hear a word of what they were saying. Your thoughts were back to last night after your bachelorette party and how you had found yourself outside the hotel sitting on the hood of your car pretending it was the impala as you starred up at the moon. When you saw a shooting star a memory rushed over you.

_You were laughing as you laid on the hood of the impala your head resting on Dean’s arm and your legs intertwined as  his free hand played with your fingers._

_“Did you see that?” your eyes widen as you saw the shooting star and Dean smiled and nodded, “did you wish?”_

_“Narh I am done with that!” Dean winked at you and you couldn’t help but laugh again, “it is a shooting star Dean not a Djinn!”_

_“Still… how about you? Did you wish?”_

_You nodded quietly and smiled when Dean impatiently poked your side, “well?!”_

_“I can’t tell!! Then it won’t come true,” you laughed squirming as Dean began tickling you, “alright, alright! I’ll tell you!”_

_Dean rolled back to his back and tilted his head sending you a cheeky grin, “that’s more like it!”_

_“Promise you won’t laugh!” you stared and him as Dean made a cross over his heart and you looked back to the stars, “I was wishing I could get married one day…”_

_You felt Dean roll onto his side and his eyes on your face but you were afraid to look at him so you just waited for him to speak or tell you, you had to leave or something but instead his lips found yours. He kissed you slowly and tenderly before looking down at you with those big green adoring eyes of his that almost made your heart stop every time._

_“You will one day. Y/N there is nothing keeping you in this life. Dad killed those vamps back then. You could have a normal life…”_

_“Dean that wasn’t what I was wishing for…” you pushed him away and got of the car and walked down to the lake where you sat down with your legs pulled up under your chin. Tears were silently running down your cheeks as you felt Dean sit down beside you. He didn’t say a word he just sat there silently for a while before he began singing the same song he had song to you when you were a kid and couldn’t sleep or you missed your parents._

_Hey Jude_

_Don’t make it bad_

_Take a sad song and make it better_

_You smiled and let out a small laugh as you wiped the tears of your cheeks and leaned into his side loving how he without missing a beat immediately wrapped his arm around you and you started singing with him._

_Remember to let her into your heart_

_Then you can start to make it better…_

You were humming that song to yourself as you got out of the car still with your head down trying to calm yourself. When you looked up you saw him standing in front of the doors to the church and a smile spread across your face as you ran to him and threw yourself into his arms.

“You made it! I knew you would!” you smiled as you looked up into Sam’s eyes and he smiled back at you, “so good to see you Y/N!”

You released him and your eyes began searching the street looking for him brother before Sam’s words broke your heart, “he’s not with me Y/N!”

“Oh I just thought…” you fought your tears as you refused to look up at the tall man in front of you and your future mother-in-law’s voice sounded beside you, “so this is one of your friends Y/N?”

“Yeah this is Sam,” you answered quietly and Sam politely shook her hand before returning his attention to you. “Listen Y/N is there somewhere we can talk before…” Sam let his words trail out and the woman next to you frown and started to object, “Jeremy is waiting Y/N…”

Something in you snapped in that moment as you felt your two lives collide. “Well then he have to wait a little longer! Sam is like a brother too me and if he needs to talk we’ll talk!” you grabbed Sam by the arm and pulled him towards the limo as you hissed over your shoulder, “besides a bride is supposed to be late isn’t she?!”

When you finally managed to squeeze yourself and your huge dress back into the limo you realized Sam was staring at you, “what?”

“Are you okay? You seem…” you huffed and cut Sam off before he could finish, “I’m fine Sam. Is Dean okay? What did you want to talk about?”

“He’s okay. He is here… in town Y/N” your eyes widen in shook but you couldn’t speak you had no idea how to reply to that so you let Sam continue, “he told me to tell you… well he told me to tell you he was on a hunt and that he was sorry he couldn’t make it and congratulations.”

“Why… why would he come here and not see me? Why would he tell you to lie to me?!” you felt your tears press against your eyes once more and this time you gave up on trying to fight them instead your let Sam pull you into a comforting hug, “because he loves you Y/N and he can’t watch you marry someone else and because he is a dumbass that thinks you are better off without him ever opening his mouth about it.”

“What?” you pulled back and starred at Sam in disbelief and he smiled carefully, “when we left it was to go to your wedding, then along the way it became to stop it and as we got here he chickened out and now he is at the bar down the street waiting for this to be over.”

“Sam… I…” you felt your confusion slowly turn into anger and you almost yelled at the younger (and the wrong) Winchester, “I am getting married today!! And you tell me this today!”

“Y/N! I am not here to stop you but you had to know. Whatever you need from me I will do… if it is so walk you down the aisle then that is what I will do. If it to hold back an angry mob as you go talk to my stubborn idiot brother then you got me,” Sam’s voice was calm and somehow just like he always did he managed to stop you from flying off the handle. An ability he unlike his brother always have had and you just stared at him as you felt your panic build.

“Sam I… I can’t! If he… if he had been here… maybe but…” tears were streaming down your cheeks as you spoke, “even if you are right. Even if he really loves me… Sam… he has pushed me away so many times before and I can’t keep doing this. I love Jeremy… He is not Dean but he is a good guy and I can’t hurt him over a maybe! I can’t keep doing this to myself either.”

Sam slowly nodded but you could see your decision pained him as much as it did yourself but you couldn’t do this anymore. If Sam was right. If you really mattered that much to him then he would have been here himself. Sam forced a smile as he watched you dry your eyes, “so you want me to give you away little sister?”

You couldn’t help but laugh at that name and you pulled a face at him as you fought to get back out of the limo, “I’m 3 months younger than you Sam!”

“My point exactly,” Sam grinned as he helped you straighten out your dress and your eyes found his, “I would love that Sam. Thank you for being here!”

“Anytime,” you took his arm and smiled at him trying to ignore the pain you saw behind his eyes as he led you back towards the church.

You were glad he was there. There had been no way you had made that walk down the aisle by yourself. You practically clung to him to hold yourself up when another memory of his brother entered your mind.

_“I miss you!”_

_“I know sweetheart but dad caught another case and he needs me with him on this one. I am sorry. I was hoping to be there by Friday,” you could hear the pain in his voice but you really didn’t care he was gonna miss your birthday. You just needed to see him soon._

_“I know babe. I just wish… how long do you think this one will take?” you tried your best not to sound to heartbroken… not to make it worse._

_“I don’t know…” you could practically hear the wheels turning when he paused and you couldn’t help but smile when you heard the proud grin in his voice when he spoke again, “look up sweetheart!”_

_“What? Did you hit your head on the last hunt or something Winchester? I am in my room!” you laughed._

_“Well then go to your window Y/L/N.”_

_You growled but did as he asked, “now what?”_

_“Look at the stars Y/N” his voice was more serious now._

_“I am Dean! What about them?”_

_“I am looking at the same stars right now babe. And those are the same stars I am going to kiss you under next time we met,” Dean’s voice was low and husky as he spoke and you couldn’t help but smile._

_“God Winchester who knew, you were such a romantic.”_

_“Oh shut up!” Dean groaned sounding more than a little annoyed by your remark._

_“I’m sorry Dean! I love you.” You smiled as you stared at the stars imagining how his arms would feel around you._

_“I love you too sweetheart.”_

“Are you okay?” Sam’s whisper broke you of your trance and you sent him a quick smile and a nod as he handed you off to a smiling Jeremy and the priest began the ceremony but your mind were elsewhere.  

It was with Dean when he taught you how to shoot, how to fight, when he had first kissed you and made love to you, it went through your first fight and your last and painted a vivid image of him standing before you shyly running his hand around his neck when he mumbled that he loved you for the first time.

“Y/N!” the priest voice brought you back to reality.

“Sorry?!” the entire church chuckled as they clearly thought you had been staring at Jeremy not listening to the priest and he repeated his question, “do you take Jeremy Sanders to be your lawfully wedded husband?”

“I…” you starred at the man in front of you and suddenly the words wouldn’t come out. What the hell where you doing? You had been lying your whole life but you couldn’t live one. “Jeremy I am sorry! I can’t!”

You saw his face fall but he didn’t yell he just nodded and you turned to Sam who had gotten of his seat the second you spoke and you were in front of him in three long strides, “where?”

“Right, down the street at the end on the left,” Sam spoke quickly before turning to hold back your angry mother-in-law and you fled the church yelling a thank you over your shoulder.

You tore of the tiara and your veil as you ran out the doors of the church and kicked of your heels as you sped down the stairs to the street. You ran as fast as the damn dress would let you down the street towards the bar praying he would still be there. That he hadn’t left to find comfort with some girl. That he would finally admit to what he felt when he saw you again.

You stopped trying to catch your breath. Trying to gather yourself as you reached the bar. You bend forward resting your hands on your knees as you steadied your breathing before you got back up and pushed open the door. 


	3. The Light of Day

Dean was sitting on a log outside the bunker overlooking the field but he wasn’t really seeing anything. His mind was with her.

He was thinking about how she had yelled at him and tried to hit him with a rock when his 11 year old self had stuffed a worm down the back of the 7 year old girl’s dress. Dean smiled at the memory when he remembered how she wouldn’t speak to him for 2 days after that. He remembered how bad she had made him feel about his actions and how hard he had been fighting to make it up to her as he couldn’t bear her staying mad at him.

Finally he had succeeded by taking her to his secret hide out in the furthest corner of Bobby’s scrapyard. A hideout that not even Sam had known about. A hideout that had become her getaway too and the place Dean always knew he could find her when she was angry or sad. Even as an adult Dean would find here there when angry or devastated tears were flowing down her cheeks. He would squeeze himself past the old truck and lower himself down beside her and pull her into his arms and let her cry against him.

Dean smiled as another memory of her touch flooded his mind.

_Dean was lying on his back still sound asleep in her bed in her dorm room when she busted through the door yelling his name. Dean pretended he didn’t hear her and fought the smile on his lips back when he heard the annoyed growl in her voice._

_She jumped onto the bed and pressed her freezing winter cold hands against his neck and collarbone making Dean’s eyes shoot open and he almost jumped off the bed._

_“Get your hands off me,” he growled but as angry as he tried to sound he knew she knew he wasn’t. That he didn’t really want her to stop so instead she slide her hands down his naked chest sending a shiver through his body making him groan and wrap his arms around her waist and roll her over. She squealed and laughed as he pinned her down beneath his still naked body. Dean kissed her silent before he let his lips begin to wander down her neck and his hands slowly started to rid her of her cloth._

_“Jesus Y/N you are like a popsicle!”_

_“Well it is freezing outside and I had an early class!” she pretended to sulk before grabbing his neck and pulling him down for a long wet kiss, “you’ll just have to warm me up Winchester!”_

_“Gladly!” Dean smirked and winked at her before attacking her neck with his mouth making her squeal with laughter._

Dean smiled at the memory of how she had felt beneath him and how flushed and warm her skin had turned under his touch. He had loved her more than anything. He still did. He had never wanted anything more than to make her happy and for her too be safe. But she was no longer safe. She had been. She had left the life and she had been set to marry someone else. To be happy and live a normal life.

Dean questioned the decision he had made to drive into that town. To let Sam go to her wedding. He didn’t know exactly what Sam had said to her but whatever it was it had made her leave her wedding. She hadn’t gotten married that day. Instead she had come busting through the doors to the bar where he was drinking in the middle of the afternoon. Trying to drown the knowledge, of her saying yes to spend her life with another man, in a bottle of whiskey. 

_Dean twirled around in his seat by instinct when he heard the door bust open behind him and his jaw dropped._

_She was standing in the middle of the room in a big ass fluffy white gown. Her chest was heaving and tears were running down her cheeks. It took every ounce of self-control Dean had not to fly off his chair and pull her into his arms and kiss her right then and there. Instead he lowered his eyes and silently cursed Sam under his breath._

_“He didn’t do anything! Or he did but that is not why… I… Dean I just couldn’t…” her voice was breaking up and Dean could no longer bear not to look at her so he looked up. That proved to be a mistake. The tears and pain in her eyes tore his heart into a million pieces and he could no longer help himself._

_He jumped of his seat and all but ran across the room and pulled her into his arms allowing her to sob against his chest, “it’s okay sweetheart. I’m here! It’s okay! You’ll find someone else. I…”_

_She tore herself away from him and banged her fist harshly against his chest. So hard the air got knocked out of his lungs and he had to take a step back. He looked at her surprised and hurt by her sudden reaction but she just started screaming at him._

_“I am so sick and tired of everyone telling me how to live my life! John, Bobby, Jeremy, his mother, YOU!”_

_Dean’s mouth fell open in surprise and he tried to interrupt but it was no use, “Y/N that’s not what I…”_

_“I don’t want normal!! I don’t want boring or apple pie! I am a hunter – that is who I have been since I was six years old! You off all people should get that! Why don’t you?!” tears were streaming down her face but she was angry. She didn’t let Dean near her even though he tried. He wanted her back in his arms. He wanted to tell her he was an idiot and that he was sorry for whatever he had said to make her think he wanted to change her. He just wanted her safe nothing more._

_“Y/N please…”_

_“NO!! Dean!! When will you get it through that thick head of yours I want you! I want hunting. I want to be arguing with Sam about cases and worrying about the two of you when you are gone. I want you to love me back like I have always loved you!” she stopped and stared at him. Tears were still streaming down her cheeks but her eyes were now nailed to the floor._

_Dean’s heart jumped into his throat when he realized what she had just said. He couldn’t think. His mind was blurry so he just acted. He wrapped and arm around her waist and pulled her tightly against him as his other hand landed on her neck his thumb forced her chin up and he kissed her. Kissed her with all the passion and love he had been carrying for her with no release over the past few years. He kissed her to let her know he had always loved her too and that he wasn’t letting her go ever again. He kissed her to let her know that, if hunting was really what she wanted, he would keep her save. She would be safe and loved with him._

_When they finally broke apart they were both heaving for air and Dean gently caressed her face and looked her into the eyes when he finally spoke, “I love you, Y/N. I always have. I am sorry for being suck a jerk! Forgive me?”_

_She let out a small gasp before the familiar cheeky grin, Dean loved so much, slide over her face, “keep kissing me like that Winchester and I might even forget why I am mad at you!”_

_“Well then!” Dean winked at her and stopped her laughter as he slide his tongue back into her mouth._

Dean knew he would ponder the decision not to push her away that day for the rest of his life. Not because he didn’t love her cause he did. He had never loved anyone the way he loved her but because everything that were to happen to her from here on in was on him.

Dean took a deep breath. He knew he couldn’t regret his actions that day. He would just have to be strong. He would have to fight to keep her safe and happy with him. To make sure no matter what happened to him, his brother and wife would always be safe.

_“Dean, where the hell are you going? That’s not the road to Kansas!” Dean smiled as Y/N corrected him from the backseat, where she had been struggling to get comfortable in her big dress ever since they left the bar._

_“I know!” Dean smirked at her and his brother’s confusion._

_“Okay I’ll bite…” Sam stared at his brother from the seat next to him, “where are we going?”_

_“Vegas!” Dean smiled and found Y/N’s eyes in the rare view mirror._

_“Why? That is not for another two month?” Her confusion was adorable and Dean couldn’t stop himself from laughing._

_“Because that is the only place, that will allow me to marry you as soon, as we get you out of that nightmare and into a real dress!” Dean stated as he half watched the road and half enjoyed how her jaw dropped as she leaned forward._

_“Did you just ask me to marry you, Dean Winchester?”_

_“More like commanded you too,” Sam chuckled in the seat next to his brother, but Dean just ignored him as his eyes found hers in the mirror again._

_“Do you want to?” Dean held his breath as he watched her lean closer to the driver’s seat. Her breath was hot against his neck when she whispered yes and Dean couldn’t help himself. He turned around as far as he could and kissed her lips._

_“Jesus!!” Sam yelped next to Dean and grabbed the wheel before the car went into the ditch, “how about I drive for a while?”_

_“That’s a good idea Sammy!” Dean winked at his brother before he started climbing over the seats and into the back of the impala without as much as thinking about pulling over the car, “you think there is room for me and that dress back here?”_

_“Dammit Dean! Have you lost your mind?” Sam held onto the wheel and quickly slid across the seat as soon as his brother disappeared into the back while all the other cars honked and flashed their lights at the swaying and slowing impala on the highway._

Dean was pulled from his thoughts at the sound of the impala pulling up in front of the bunker. He didn’t bother to turn around. He knew Y/N would see him where he was. Instead he listened to his brother offering her to carry in her bags and her thanking him.

“What are you doing Dean?” Y/N slid her hands over his shoulders and down his chest kissing his neck from behind sending a shiver through his body and he smiled at her as she walked around the log and sat down next to him.

“Just thinking,” Dean smiled at her and took her hand.

“About?” she rested her head against his shoulder and stared up at the stars that had come out in the time he had sat there.

“You!” Dean answered her simply and honestly making her smile and tilt her head to look at him, “you missed me?”

“I did,” Dean leaned down and kissed her lips softly before letting her look back up at the stars.

“How was he?” Dean asked carefully not wanting her to think he was jealous or mad that she had asked Sam to go with her to collect her things from Jeremy’s place rather than him. He understood her decision and even though he had wanted to be there. Even though he knew she wanted him to have gone with her, he loved the fact she had put Jeremy’s feelings over her own. That was who she was. Always thinking of and taking care of others.

“Sad… but he’ll be fine. He got a promotion so he has work to focus on,” she kept looking at the stars as she spoke Dean just smiled and kissed her hair before doing the same, “that’s good.”

“Hey did you see that?” Dean laughed as he saw the shooting star cross the sky.

“Mmhmm” she just mumbled not taking her head off his shoulder and suddenly Dean was filled with remorse as he remembered her wish so many years ago.

“I am sorry Y/N!” That made her sit up straight and look at him, “for what babe?”

“I know you wanted a real wedding and…” Dean stopped surprise at her sudden laughter. Dean let her straddle his lap as he looked up at her in confusion.

“I didn’t want that. You misunderstood me Dean. I wanted you. Even then. I wanted you to marry me one day!” she smiled and bit her lip as she ran her hands through his hair.

Dean’s heart stopped beating for a second as he looked into her eyes, “really?”

“Really?” she smiled and kissed him softly.

After a few seconds Dean pulled away and looked up at her, “and now? What did you wish for now?”

“Nothing!” she smiled as she cupped his face in her hands, “I already have everything I ever wanted.”

Dean smiled and ran his hands slowly up her back, “that’s okay. I wished for us!”

“Yeah?” her eyes glistened in the moonlight and Dean tenderly kissed her cheek as she wrapped her arms around his neck, “yeah I wished I get to make you this happy for the rest of our lives!”


End file.
